The Last Run

I realized I haven’t posted about treatment in a while, and well, I think I just haven’t had much to say. This month is our second IUI. The first IUI we had a lot of monitoring. There were ultrasounds once or twice a week at first, then once we got closer to ovulation it was every other day. My doctor had upped my dosage of Letrozole to 100mg. At the last ultrasound before my IUI my follicles were ok, but not awesome. I had 3 follicles, the largest was only 18. Typically a 20 is what you need to ovulate and my lining was slightly low as well. Implantation can’t happen unless your lining is nice and plump. But, we went through with the IUI anyway.

Throughout the two week window I was so sure I was pregnant. I felt bloating the whole time, tender and swollen breasts, and fatigue. I had never felt so sure I was pregnant. I started going crazy with pinterest and getting so excited this was it. I had big plans for our upcoming PCS move and wondered how horrible it would be to move if I felt sick all the time. Still, I was incredibly nervous to take a pregnancy test. I was so enjoying thinking I was pregnant that I didn’t want it to stop if it would be negative.

The morning I took the test we had plans to go to Disney World. What a great way to celebrate, I thought. I was going to buy something from the park for baby and maybe that would even be part of our announcement. After much anticipation, the test showed a negative. I was crushed. Maybe it’s still too early, I thought. Maybe it’s a false negative… it wasn’t. I tried to keep positive, but let’s face it. Disney World is a rough place to spend the day if you’ve found out you are not pregnant again.

We decided we would try one more time. So I called the doctor and he called in some prescriptions. This time we would be adding Bravelle injections as well as upping my Letrozole dosage. I also didn’t have an ultrasound for 10 days after this call, which was a bit concerning. Especially after last time having probably 8 ultrasounds.

I went in to learn how to mix the injection medication and where to inject myself. Let me tell you, giving yourself an injection is a weird thing. It is a strange feeling to stick a needle into your own stomach. It is also slightly painful. The first couple days weren’t too bad. One night I accidentally hit a vein or capillary and bled a bit. I felt myself starting to get lightheaded. Oh shit, I thought, I was about to pass out. I’m generally ok with needles, but faint when it comes to blood. After calming myself and successfully not passing out, I was over it. Only a few more days of injections and it will be done, I told myself. You’ve got to just get through a few more. I got a nasty looking bruise from that night, which I actually still have. And I vowed to myself, never again. I am not willing to do any more injections to conceive. This is farther than I ever wanted to go to have a baby of my own. There are other means, and that is where I draw the line.

This ultrasound gave us some good and bad news. The good news was that my follicles had grown much larger than the previous cycle. The bad news was that I had 6 mature follicles. We sat down with the doctor in his office after the ultrasound to discuss exactly what that meant. Having such a high number of mature follicles meant I had a higher risk of multiples. Since I am such a small person, this could cause a lot of complications as well as loss. I was incredibly upset. We decided this was going to be our last attempt with medical intervention, so to just skip this cycle was devistating. Ultimately we decided to move forward. Will that be an unwise decision? I don’t know. But I could not bring myself to give up based on a slight increase in risk.

Now you’ve all been caught up. We’re in the two week window and once again nervous to test in a week or so. I have a lot of other things on my plate this month so it is pretty easy for me to keep my mind off baby things. If this cycle doesn’t work we will be taking a break for a few years. And frankly, I am looking forward to it. I am so tired of doctors, medication, injections, ultrasounds, and constantly thinking about my cycle. I’m tired of the “what if I am pregnant” and the things I should and shouldn’t do, just in case. I feel like I miss out on things by thinking “oh I could be pregnant, so I shouldn’t do that”. I think that once we get to somewhere that we will be for a few years, we may look into adoption. But I am not in a super hurry to get there. I’d like to save a bit more and maybe go on a few awesome vacations before we decide to go down that path. So, thanks for reading and here’s to hoping for my Big Fat Positive.

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  1. Pingback: My Momentary Home

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