That Thing I Said I’d Never Do Again

Remember that time I vowed I would never give myself injections to get pregnant ever again?

About this same time last year we were exhausted. Tired of the constant doctor visits and medication. Everything was scheduled and we were not having any fun. The last I posted about our infertility journey we had just gone through a chemical pregnancy. It was absolutely heart breaking. And then we had to pick up our lives once again and move thousands of miles away.

As soon as we arrived at our new location my husband deployed. We had no time together to heal. Deployment was hard. We’ve now had a few months to get back into the swing of things and actually enjoy our time together. It’s been great. No doctor’s appointments, no medication, no poking and prodding, and no scheduled intercourse. We really haven’t been “trying” quite as much as before, but we surely aren’t preventing anything either.

And then I started to have really strong feelings I needed to start seeing a fertility doctor again. Maybe it’s all the talk about kids with the other wives, maybe it’s that the doctors here are much better than I was anticipating, or maybe it’s a sign that this is the right time. Whatever it is, I listened. I made an appointment with a new endocrinologist and she is amazing.

Something is definitely different this time, and maybe it’s just my perspective. Before I always felt afraid it wasn’t going to happen, but now i feel confident that it will.

And then that one time I said I’d never do injectables was a lie. I said I would never ever do injectibles again, and that it was crossing a boundary in my own mind on what I was willing to do to get pregnant. I don’t know when that changed. I still feel uncomfortable with injections and here I am telling you that I am doing them again.

At my first consult with the new doctor injectibles were one of the first things to be brought up. I shuddered a bit and told her how much I hated Bravelle. After talking it through, we decided on trying Follistim instead. Follistim is an injectible pen with a much smaller and finer needle, with no medication mixing. I have taken it now for a few days and there is still a huge mental hurdle to get over in stabbing yourself in the stomach, but I will say that Folllistim is much better.

My major hesitation with starting up again is another looming deployment and another big move. Our plan was to wait to see any more doctors until after this sea tour. We knew there would be a lot of extra stress with this duty station because of the transition. We knew deployments would add to the stress and thought maybe it wasn’t the best time to have a baby. But I just can’t get rid of the feeling we shouldn’t stop trying. So, we’re not.


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